Headed Your Way

I've blogged about the Concert of Hope and Remembrance before. My parents were involved in the creation of this benefit concert 9 years ago.

Shortly after my stepbrother's accident, the Cancer Association of Anderson decided to dedicate this year's concert in memory of him. I was asked to say a few words about Randy at the concert. I didn't hesitate in agreeing to do so. It seemed like something I could do for my family. I don't have a lot of experience public speaking, and it freaks me out. But this cause and dedication was bigger and more important than my public speaking jitters.

I knew immediately what I wanted the theme of the speech to be. Several nights when I couldn't sleep, I would pull out my black notebook and just start writing. After those first few weeks though, I couldn't bring myself to finish it. I had 4 months or so to worry about it and would finish it later, when it didn't hurt so much.

I carried that black notebook with me everywhere. To the office or on my weekend trips, just in case some profound inspiration hit me. I didn't open the black notebook up until 2 weeks ago. I was a little worried knowing I was pressed for time and still needed to practice it. This was an opportunity to speak on behalf of my family, to our friends and the community that has held us up and supported us through everything that this kind of grief brings. I had to do them proud. And I had to do Randy proud.

Just as the music and preparations turned out to be part of the healing process for my parents and stepsister who were participating in the concert, this speech became a release for me. I didn't realize it until the speech was over. But when I sat down after giving my remarks, I felt at peace. Since a few folks sitting behind me when I gave the speech didn't get to hear it well, I'm posting it here.

"Headed Your Way"

This Concert of Hope and Remembrance has become a very special and meaningful part of our family over the last 9 years. To have this year’s concert dedicated in memory of our dear Randy is an overwhelming and humbling honor, but also a truly bittersweet moment.

I first want to recognize the members of our “family system” (as Rev. McKinnley eloquently described us) that are here tonight. So bare with me for a second as the Brady Bunch doesn’t have anything on us! Randy’s Father, Bob and stepmother, Carla Heritage (who is a 10 year breast cancer survivor.) Randy’s mother, Judy, and stepfather Woody O’Neal; Randy’s older sister, Robin, her husband, Greg, and their children, Caleb and Sarah Madden; Randy’s brother, Ryan, his wife Lindsey, and their very special baby Bella (Bella was born just hours after Randy passed away.) And then there are us step-siblings. Ashley and her husband Kyle Anderson and myself. Lastly, I want to recognize our grandparents, Buck and Shirley Palmer (Shirley is a 50 year cancer survivor and Buck was recently diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma and is currently undergoing chemo treatment.)

I thought about what Randy would think about all of this tonight. I think he would want me to give credit and recognition to his dad and step mom for the incredible job they have done each year to make this concert such a success. He would also want me to acknowledge each and every cancer survivor and fighter with us tonight. And finally he would probably pull me aside….and say, “Becky, do you think there will be any cute, single girls there?!”

Last year’s concert was the first that Randy attended. He was very impressed and in his own words written in a comment on my blog he said, “Just wanted to say that I was also blown away by the concert this year. I told dad that it's always a blessing when you get a chance to worship in a situation where you didn't know you would.”

Almost five months ago, when we were in the depths of our grief, I was sitting quietly in a room with my stepfather. He was scrolling through his cell phone and found the last text message he received from Randy. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Randy’s last text to me was- ‘Headed Your Way’.”

Those three simple words echoed over and over again in my head. Later that afternoon, as I drove away after visiting Randy’s grave site, I thought to myself, “now we’re headed YOUR way, Randy.

Upon more reflection, I think it’s safe to say that Randy lived his life with a “headed your way” attitude. That was certainly the theme of many of the memories and stories that have been shared about his life. When his Pop, as he called you, needed a fishing or hunting partner, or help with your many electronic challenges, Randy was “headed your way.” Mama- when you cooked too much of your delicious homemade meals, he was “headed your way.” Judy- when you needed a good argument or challenge, or someone to protect you, he was “headed your way.” Woody- Randy’s sincere happiness and appreciation was “headed your way” when you married his mom. Robin- when you got stumped on a math problem or trivia question, he was “headed your way.” Greg- when you needed someone to go hunting with you numerous times before FINALLY killing your first deer, Randy was “headed your way.” Caleb- when you wanted to learn how to play the guitar, Uncle Randy was patiently “headed your way.” Sarah- when you needed a playmate at the beach when none of us wanted to get in the water with all the jellyfish, Uncle Randy was “headed your way.” Ryan- when you were a kid and got tangled upside down learning how to climb a deer stand, he was “headed your way.” Lindsey- when you wanted the groomsmen to wear pink in your wedding and despite his grumblings on this matter, Randy put on the pink and “headed your way.”

Ashley- when you won the Golden Apple Award last spring, Randy’s excitement and congratulations were “headed your way.” Kyle- when you sometimes needed someone to match you in sarcastic comments, Randy’s clever remarks “headed your way.” And when I needed someone at the last minute to help me move on a rainy Saturday afternoon, he was “headed my way.” And finally, Bella- when you needed a guardian angel to see you into this world safely, he was “headed your way.”

Tonight, we hold Randy’s memory close to our hearts, remember all of our loved ones that are no longer physically with us, and are truly inspired by the survivors amongst us.

I want to share a beautiful passage that a friend wrote about carrying on after losing a loved one. I think her words sum up our mission for tonight’s Concert of Hope and Remembrance. She said, “I promise to always tell stories about you, to share your legacy with strangers, to widen your footprint on this earth. I promise to strive to do something remarkable each year for you. Because you were remarkable. Because you didn’t ask for this fate. Because nothing is quite so large as death, not even a light as bright as yours. Because without candle holders and torchbearers, you become just the dark that took you and not the light you left us with.”

Tonight is about spreading the light and peace that HOPE can provide. Through each song that is sung, each note that is played, each word that is spoken, and each candle that is lit, I know that HOPE is “Headed Your Way.”